It's that time again! It doesn't seem like it could be time for the kids to start back to school! KIds' Stress. This is a quote from one of my neighbor girls ("my inherited ones" as I call them):
"First day of high school. Lord help us." Lanna B. LOL! (She's so funny). But I remember being scared the first day of high school & I remember how it turned out to be a great thing!
My subject today is much more serious than kids being nervous about starting school. I want to talk today about kids in trouble. Children who literally have been~technically~abandoned or betrayed by an adult.
(these are my munchkins from about 5 years ago! Aww….memories…)
(CNSNews.com) – Only 45 percent of American children have spent their childhood in an intact family, according to a survey produced by a conservative advocacy group.
Dr. Pat Fagan quotes, ""American society is dysfunctional, characterized by a faulty understanding of the male-female relationship," Fagan said in a news release. "Our culture needs a compass correction, learning again how to belong to each other when we have begotten children together."
Luke 17:2 " It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones."
I have experienced a high level of exposure this past summer of kids coming and going from my home~which to me~is a blessing. It's something that I feel like The Lord is using my home for, but here is a list of comments that I've gathered from children & their "friend's friends" in the last few years.
a) I didn't know that things (parent's behavior) would get so bad when I (the child) left
b) Yeah, my stepdad doesn't want "us" around
c) I think my parents are going to get a divorce
d) I feel "nothing" for my parent because of the way they've betrayed me for _____________. (Can be person or thing)
e) Yeah. I don't trust my parent anymore because of _____________________. (fill in the blank)
My first though is: WHAT is wrong with these people?? Why aren't they taking care of & loving their children?! This isn't natural.
WHEN did people start thinking that our children aren't valuable~ OR HUMAN?
Let me clarify what I'm NOT saying. These things are NOT abuse:
1) That kids shouldn't be made to do things that are hard
2) They shouldn't be corrected if they do things wrong
3) They shouldn't be taught that there are consequences for their choices (and let them experience it!)
4) Having a "normal" argument in front of them
I'm talking about "unnecessary" stress for our kids. Circumstances that influence (notice I didn't say guarantee) how they will become as adults.
What is unnecessary stress for our children:
a) Being used as a weapon in the war of divorce or relationships
b) Being used as a weapon in the war of divorce or relationships
c) Being used for: _______________________________________. (spite or revenge)
Fill it in.
I talked to a counselor & nurse this weekend who informed me that in their businesses, that it's a common "disconnect" between~what's supposed~ to be grown adults & their children. The nurse told me:
1) It's a common thing to see parents/ex's fighting in the same room as a 3 year old~all but stabbing each other!" In front of that child.
2) Family members to get angry with one another & call "sexual abuse" or "child abuse" to get revenge on one of the parents. Usually the man in this case. They are WILLING to subject that child to "invasive" examinations, KNOWING the whole time that child hasn't been abused. JUST FOR REVENGE!
3) Her practice has to testify, almost weekly, in a court case for children….WEEKLY.
Note: I am not referring to cases where you really DO suspect abuse.
The counselor told me it's so common for the child to feel the responsibility of taking care of the parent instead of the other way around. Feeling like it's their job to take care of the adult & "help" them not to make the "wrong" decision again.
On the flip side of using kids as a battle tool:
I have saw with my OWN eyes, people who haven't "checked" on their children in over a month! Allowed them to move in with strangers without even meeting them. In an array of different circumstances, choose OTHER people & things OVER their kids.
(IF this will help ONE situation, I will be thankful. I'm sickened watching adults choosing their "wants" over what should be their responsibilities. Using kids as a "thing" & not as a person is wrong. If this were ME, I would feel as if I wasn't of any value to a person. Especially, if no one cared enough to even check to see if I'm OK or how I'm feeling.)
We, as Americans~ as Christians~ need to get ourselves in gear and start coaching, mentoring & praying for these adults in the range of 20-40 year olds. WE HAVE to teach them HOW to not be selfish & care for their children as much as we can get them to listen. BETTER YET! We need to let the children of these adults know that they have someone there supporting them. Letting them know that they don't have to bear this burden alone. Be there for someone. Pray for them. Offer to just sit and talk with them. Just stop & look them in the eye like they're a person! This is an epidemic.
Another angle on this is, parents & grandparents of this situation! Having to stand, watch & grieve as this happens to your own family & can't do anything about it! That is a most frusturating position to be in! Parents of grown children & grandparents have to make some HARD decisions sometimes. My heart breaks for you, too.
My advice to you is: keep yourself as healthy as you possibly can. Don't give in to the grief. You have to stay healthy & strong in order to be there! Take a moment to have some sanity time for yourself. Pray a LOT.
If I can help you pray. I will be happy to.
Go to www.betterlivinghealthclinic.com and read up on ways to keep up your immune system strong in spite of the stress, strengthing your body to resist depression or just drop me a note requesting prayer.
Blessings & hugs,
Sandra